Was the home phone in the hallway next to the living room. If I were to call, I asked for permission - as all my friends did. Calls to me were answered by the person who found themselves closest to the phone, and it was normal practice to present yourself when phoning out and when receiving calls. Common courtesy, it was called!
When I was a kid ...
letters were delivered to the mailbox. It was not mine, but the family’s and it was big and green and placed on the mailbox stand in front of the house. The envelope listed the name of both the recipient and the sender – the way we had been thought it should look. If there was no sender listed on letters addressed to me, I would get a lot of curious questions.
When I was a kid ...
I did not have phone in my room. It was not an issue, and not really a very easy thing to accomplish either. – During those days, until I got mobile in 1998 – were phone jacks in the wall required and these were by no means standard for most rooms. Since the same phone was used by all family members, my parents knew who I communicated with. I had no secret contacts they didn’t know about.
When I was a kid ...
the phone was only used between 8am and 10pm - and even that was stretching it. To call outside of this period was practically impossible (unless I sneaked downstairs to make a call to a friend after my mom and dad had gone to bed. But - knowing that such a middle-of-the night phone call most likely would be answered by an angry father who I had just woken up - it never happened ...).
When I was a kid ...
I didn’t feel like I had strict limits regarding phone use. Not more than most of my friends at least. Who I talked to limited itself - since the phone was a family phone. When I used the phone was also limited since the phone was placed in the heart of the house and that was also true for most of my friends. I typically never called anyone after 10pm – not even today! There were clear limits to how much time I could sit and chat with friends. The bill was important, but so was the fact that I was surrounded by others. I got a clear message if someone else in the family had to make a call or thought that I had talked long enough, "You have talked long enough now," Dad often barked in the background.
When I was a kid...
the world was quite small and simple. Mom and dad typically knew what was going. There were no secrets in regards to who I played with or talked to, and my mom and dad always knew exactly where I was. If someone they did not know called me, I could be sure to get questions like: Who was that? How old is he? Where does he live? Who are his parents? The same would happen if I received a letter. When I was little, the letters arrived in the mailbox and not on a computer. Mom and Dad both knew who I received a letter from and who I sent the letter to (they had to pay for postage ...), and full addresses were on the envelopes.
When I was a kid ...
We had rules for everything:
- Ask / tell if you went out (some typical places were exempt from this requirement, but we pretty much always notified regardless).
- Let parents know if plans change. If you were not able to notify them, plans should not be changed.
- Ask before using the phone (as I got older I did not need permission).
- Do not call anyone after at 10pm.
- Always present yourself when making and receiving calls.
- Limit time spent on the phone (it's expensive to call, and you block the line for others).
- Do not call information services because they were expensive (yes - they were then. Such as 411 info, what-, chat lines and voting services)
Also when I was a kid ...
we did pranks, tested limits and tricked our parents. Open Line was popular. Do you remember this? Being able to call in to an open conversation with many people where no one knew who the others were or where they lived. Very exciting! At times, we jumped on to our bikes and rode down to the red telephone booth by the store. From here we called Open Line.
Mostly we talked to older men who found it interesting to talk to young girls like us (exciting then, but really disgusting to think about now!). But when I was little this contact was completely safe. These men did not know our names, where we lived or what number to reach us at. It was exciting, yet completely safe. Any contact outside of the red telephone booth, where 5-6 girls stood crammed together around a heavy handset, was not only out of the question, it was not possible. Not an issue!
When I was a kid ...
it was quite normal for me and my friends that our parents were involved. They typically knew what was going on without really intruding on our privacy. The contents of the letters they mailed for me was secret and so was the content of the letters I received - of course! They typically knew who I talked to on the phone, but that did not mean they knew what was being said. There was a bathroom next to the where the phone was located and I often brought the phone there to talk in piece. It worked!
The world when I was a kid had natural boundaries quite similar to the ones Bipper lets parents set ... The world was small and possibilities limited by (lack of) technology. Conversations about right and wrong were many, and the rules and guidelines were easy to implement for our parents. They knew what was going on!
I remember my childhood well, and I experienced it as safe and good. I was protected - yes - but no more than for other children. I had boundaries. I had responsibilities and I had privacy. I tested the boundaries and even pushed them too far (and learned from it!). Just the way it should be. Children should not grow up in protected bubbles where they don’t learn about the real world. We didn’t, and neither should they. But when I was a kid, there were fewer opportunities to make bad choices. Because the world was a simpler place.
As a mother ...
I wish all the best in the world for my kids. I want them to be good, strong and independent people who make the right choices and decisions. It is my job and my responsibility as their mother to guide them in the right direction and to set boundaries which I believe are correct.
I don’t want to be an overprotective mother. I don’t think that I am. I look the other way when the 6-year-old is hanging upside down in the top of the tree. I would rather have the band-aid kit ready than deny them a ride down the hill (but always with helmets on!!) When I hadn’t seen my 6-year-old in 5 minutes at the water park (easily done if one turns away for a moment ...), I walked quietly around looking for him until I found him a 15 minutes later. He was extremely pleased at the top of a slide, safe and happy. My kids play computer games and use the Internet, but only in the living room and only the games and sites that we together agree are good for them. Soon, even my 10 year old daughter will get her own Facebook profile - simply because many of her friends have it. But she will be open with me about her profile. I think she is too young for anything else!
As a mother ...
I think it's my responsibility to engage myself and to be present in my kids’ life. It is my responsibility as a mother of three children to keep myself informed about who they hang out with and what they are doing. It is my responsibility to ensure that they create their own experiences (within reasonable limits) and also accept they make mistakes now and then. But to set up these boundaries is by no means easy in today’s society. For my parents it was so much easier because technology was limited making the world seem smaller.
It’s quite simple what I have been trying to achieve with Bipper. To develop a solution that makes it easy for parents to set boundaries. Much in the same way as the boundaries I and all my friends grew up with. That was completely normal 20 years ago, but today almost impossible to set..
Maybe I'm an old-fashioned mother - even though I’m only 32 years - who believe that children should grow up with sets of boundaries. This makes them safe. A mother who doesn’t believe dialogue replaces being actively involved and believes children should be trained to get the filter in their head and that they are not born with one.
Anything else I think is irresponsible!
